A Journal

Location: Stanford, California, United States

Friday, April 28, 2006

I keep asking myself, why should I work when the time and effort I put into my studies is no longer linearly correlated to the grades that result?

When did the world go awry?

Me = pissed.

I shall start posting again when I get back to Dallas.

I love you all.

More importantly, I love L&L, the kids to go with me, and Happy Donuts.

I'm developing expensive habits =(. Golfing, eating out, and social dancing. Oh well, all the things I need to learn to become a successful business woman. Now all I need to do is to become edumakated in wine drinking and cheese tasting. I shall be taking a class in wine drinking--I love Stanford and the oppportunities it offers.

Saturday, April 08, 2006

hooray for fuckingly low tolerance.

never again my friends, ever.

Saturday, April 01, 2006

Dear Diary,

I made an entry earlier but I decided make an account of tonight =). For memories sake.

Tonight was like any other night of hanging out with Andrew. He came and we sat around for a bit. Mom got antsy when she found out Dad was about to come home and advised that Andrew and I go out (she knows Dad doesn't particularly like Steger). I changed, grabbed the neatly clipped coupon page from earlier in the morning and we headed over to the newly opened frozen custard store on Preston and Campbell, Sheridan's. It was odd, seeing how eveyrthing has changed so much since I've gone to college--no more KFC by Kroger, oh no, but a frozen custard stand. It was pretty though--built with an old-fashioned feel with ice cream cones and bright lights around top of the roof and the tables outside. We got closer, and I realized that there were a lot of people waiting in line and lots of old white men and their wives already occupied most of the seating outside, which was pretty windy by the way. After getting in the parking lot and finding out Andrew hadn't planned on getting anything but had planned to eat some of my order, I decided to go to Masala Wok for my one and only Chicken Tikka Masala (yes it deserves all the capital letters). I had to restrain myself from pulling my cell out of my red purse and dialing up Chi to go with me, seeing as it was 8:30 already.

Driving back up Campbell, I felt loved. I've complained incessantly about the way Andrew treats me, but it's just the way he is. My idea of a perfect, romantic relationship is one where the guy, my knight in shining armor, brings me flowers and plans dates and does randomn acts of love and awesomely sappy romantic gestures to prove to me the red-hot intensity and verity of his love. But sitting in Andrew's blue car, cruising down the road, chatting with him and pretending to argue over who had control of the radio, I realized how much he cares. While he's uninventive, to the point of stupidity at times (not knowing the right times to call when we fight and not knowing of lovey-dovey things to do), he has always granted my every wish of him...whether it be getting me my favorite shows and music that I miss when I'm in Cali (from Scrubs and all of 24 to finding my favorite music albums for me), to taking me to places I want to go, to humoring me in the ridiculous requests I concoct almost everytime I see him.

"I hope I don't get stares because I'll be the only white dude there."

"Funny," I quipped before lacing my arms in his and walking with him into the restaurant. Thing is, I think he was the only white duder. And I was the only non-South Asian girl. Who knew? It's so weird going there during non-lunch hour times. Tonight (or rather last night--an hour ago), there were only Indians. At least I assume they were Indians there to get their fill of naan and paneer. The Dads who where being loud and ordering at the counter. The Moms and Kids sitting in their saris and traditional garb sitting at the booths and tables waiting for food. I ordered the usual: Chicken Tikka Masala--Mild (I actually think I usually get Medium though) and was handed one of those silver contraptions with a card at the top with the number for my order. I handed it over to Andrew and went over to the back to get some water. After getting my stuff and turning around, I saw Andrew, and I couldn't stop laughing.

There he was, sitting in the middle of a crowd of Indian people with a little table for two picked out, the silver number pedestal placed on the middle of the table. Seeing him with his shock of curly hair and bemused yet the semi-uncomfortable Andrew look tacked onto his face wiating for me--tickled me pink. We moved to a less crowded area, and the rest of dinner flew by. In case you were wondering, yes, the food was superb...as usual. Afterward, stepping out onto the sidewalk under the glowing restaurant sign outside, Andrew decided he was in the mood for Moo Bars again. *sigh* Just like the time we went to Floyd Park.

So we went over to Tom Thumb, which he never goes to apparently--decided on Krunch Bars instead and headed over to Pearce to teach Winnie how to drive Andrew's awesome manual car for the 4th or so time, for kicks. I, being the awesome female asian driver I am, did not stall the car once! So by then, we had completed 2 of my requests, and we headed over to Point North to complete the rest of my to-do's for Spring Break. Haivng made him scratchingly "sing" my favorite Papa Roach song to me, I laid with him on the red Harrah's fleece blanket I had brought, and we looked at the stars. I felt so content: stargazing again with him. The wind was hard, heavy, and cold, blowing the blanket up into folds and blowing a good amount of stray grass onto the blanket, onto our clothes, and into my hair. And I remembered. The irony didn't take long to settle in. Here I was, sitting in the arms of Andrew, just short of our 2nd year anniversary, at Point North--the very park and the very place that I must've irrevocably fallen in love with him in the first place, or rather, felt attracted to him and realized it. I remembered the first time we went sledding in that park. It was winter then (the grass now just as dead as it was then), and we had just finished bowling and picking up the kiddie pool from Sam's house. The goons claimed Andrew was the best to have to hold the rope, and he was nominated to show me my first drive in the pseudo-sled in that very park. I remembered feeling his arms and legs wrapped around me, the exhilaration of the ride, and the imminent tumble--my legs intertwined with his after we spilled out of the sled.

We stopped by Andrew's house and met up with the goons that were still in Dallas (TJ, J-man, and Javi) at Sushi Sake after they got off of work. Andrew and I sat there with them while they ate their postwork meal by the dim lights of the sushi bar. I felt at home. The Japanese chatter in the background. The clicking of chopsticks and plates being cleaned. The usual goon talk about absolutetly nothing important:

Javier looks like a retard with his new Sony headphones!

Why'd you hit me!?

TJ looks like a steward with his host clothes.

Jonathan just sucked on that ice-cube and spat it back out. Why are you eating it!?

Oh, the things I miss. We moved the fiesta to Javi's house afte rthey finished eating. After watching some TV, fooling around with Javi's vinyls and the turntable, I was out of it. And here I am, typing up this diary entry.

Tonight was nice. It was really was very nice.

I wish Andrew and I can always be like this. I wish life would always be this kind.

Wow, it's already 3? Ah, nvm, daylight saving's and whatnot--I was informed by J-man earlier that the time is changed at 2 am because that's when bars close. I wish I had that much brain space for trivia too.

I'm off to bed. Good night sweet sweet world.

tear my heart open, sew myself such
my weakness is...that i care too much
my scars remind me, that the past is real
i tear my heart open, just to feel....

notpoohbear2: mr. steger
Coup theatre: mrs. steger


mary would be proud.

i deem this spring break a success: lots of 24, lots of reading, lots of family bonding, lots of egg luv (they're crazy i tell you), lots of goon luv, lots of mr. steger luv, lots of sleep (biggest bonus).

time to get back to crackin'. i miss my stanford peeps now too ya know.

I love how you are always so happy.

A chip off the old block, aren't I?

Nah, I'd like to think it's because I didn't get mad in the entire 9 months I was getting ready to birth you.


I was very stress-free and happy. Hence, you are happy.


Note that the entire conversation occured in Chinese. But I have to say, my mom is most amusing. Yea, I guess it's true, I am content usually and am usually happy. When I'm sad, it just takes a nap and some time before I bounce back. But aren't all kids like that? Little balls of fat. Punch em in the face, they'll gradually fill out again and return to normal.

Oy, Spring Break is almost over. I'm sad. I don't mind sitting around all day doing nothing and eating. I don't mind it at all. Now that Spring Break is over, I can't wait until June 15th. Another quarter to go, can you believe it?

For now, a nap then Andrew luvin' time.