A Journal

Location: Stanford, California, United States

Thursday, August 09, 2007

FUCK I'm so asian.

I have finally started using the moleskin that Christine got me a while back. It's proven to be very handy and very useful. Who knew that I actually think so much over the course of a day? haha

It's been quite some time since I wrote anything down here, but it's time for a really really small update.

Mom and Elson are coming tomorrow! I'm incredibly excited!!!! This is my one and only contact w/ family until winter fucking break. *sigh* I miss everyone! But I have a really good feeling about this coming year. It'd going to be hectic and fun! I hope at least.

On another note. I think I like androgenous guys. I know that everyone knows already, but it really hit me today--especially after I finished watching "The Rose" tonight. "Finish" as in more like, watching half the episodes and skipping to the end. In the show, Joe Cheng plays a bisexual guy with long hair that falls in love with his older brother and younger sister. The relationships are more complicated than that, but that's the general gist. Not as perverse or incestuous as it sounds though, I swear. When watching this show, I felt a lot of emotions and arrived at quite a few conclusions about myself and about current events. I now realize that I'm a complete sucker for romantic things. But not just romantic things, mind you...romantic things and circumstances that will never ever never ever ever ever happen in real life. I get myself hyped up and fantasizing about things that will never happen. I know it will never happen, but I still enjoy dreaming and putting myself in the shoes of Bai He, the main character that gets to steal kisses from androgenous Joe. Goddammit he looks good with long hair and feminine mannerisms.

And because of Joe, I realize that there actually are good looking asian guys. Whenever I watch him in action or see a picture of him, I have to pinch myself and wake myself up. I can never end up with him. In fact, I will probably never see him again. Still, I deem myself incredibly lucky to have ever seen him. Who knew I'm such a school girl? I had no idea I would find myself at a loss for words...or would have difficultly breathing...or would have a racing heartbeat...when I finally met him. After his little event in Taiwan, I feel like I like him more and more. I find myself being incredibly superficial. I'm obsessed with the way he looks, but even more, I feel like the characters that he's played in the Taiwanese soaps he's in is the main reason that I adore him. Zhi Shu. Kui. In fact, maybe even Kui, the pretty gay boy, more than Zhi Shu.

When was the last time I was phsycially attracted to an asian man? The summer after 6th grade. Dear Austin Li. That was a long time ago wasn't it. Before I was completely white washed in Jewville Pearce High School. However superficial this is. Winnie, promise yourself, you won't compromise in the guys you love and date. Is there such a thing though? An asian guy, that's tall, beautiful, and smart? Maybe. But he'd probably be an ass too. Or worse, taken. hahaha Austin was just tall, beautiful, and...an ass. And even that was hard to fine. But still! I. Refuse. To. Compromise!

And you know what Winnie, the next time you go back to Taiwan--*hopefully next year during winter break or something*--you will be skinny enough to send in an application to be a model at Joe Cheng's modeling agency. Who knoes =)

All right.

Stupidly delusional Winnie signing off.

Good night.